One of the first questions I ask my coaching clients is, how many orgasms are you having a week!
See for most people when they think about orgasms, they are thinking about having an orgasm from a sexual perspective. For me I look at it from an internal safety and security perspective.
Firstly you need to understand that orgasms are not purely a sexual thing. Scientific literature confirms that we masturbate and have orgasms while in our mother’s womb and as baby’s!
There’s a lot going on when you have an orgasm. Up to 30 different parts of the brain are activated, including those responsible for emotions, touch, joy, satisfaction and memory.
An orgasm has a similar effect on the brain to that of an addictive substance, such as heroin. Women tend to have slightly different brain activity during an orgasm.
Research has shown that during an orgasm, certain parts of the brain are activated — while others are completely shut down. In women, the Lateral Orbitofrontal Cortex temporarily shuts down; this is the part of the brain that is known for reasoning and behaviour control. Women also experience an activation of the Periaqueductal Gray (PAG), which controls the fight-or-flight response. Research has also proven that women see a decrease in the activity of the amygdala and hippocampus, both of which deal with anxiety and fear.
Scientists have found that two minutes before an orgasm the brain’s reward centres become active. These are the areas usually activated when we eat and drink.
So, let me explain how this works in terms of orgasms and feeling safe and secure.
Within the brain stem lies our primitive part of the brain, and it controls functions basic to the survival of all animals, such as heart rate, breathing, digesting foods, and sleeping. In evolutionary biology there are four basic drivers (The Four F’s) that we are evolutionarily adapted to have, follow, and achieve in order to survive and to create safety and security. They are Fighting, Fleeing, Feeding and Fucking.
In modern day this translate into 3 basic needs that we need to meet in order to live in balance. The first is that we have a roof over our head and are protected from possible intruders and the elements. Secondly that we have enough food to nourish us in order for us to survive, and thirdly, that we are able to procreate and sustain the evolution of the species. This is why issues around money, food and sex, trigger the most fears in people.
Most of my clients do not struggle with the first two, though not having enough orgasms or using sex in order to achieve the first two needs, is a contributing factor to most of my clients insecurities in life.
Let me give you an example. One of my clients was in a relationship with a partner who wasn’t that interested in sex at the time. She was feeling frustrated and stressed, thinking there was something wrong and everything in her life at the time was getting to her. So, I asked her if she was masturbating, which she replied ‘No’ to.
So my advice to her, was that she started to do this.
When I checked back in with her on our next session, I asked her did she masturbate and was she feeling better. Her response was ‘Yes’ and that she was feeling a lot better. And what became interesting for her was that all of a sudden her partner was now interested in sex with her!
Another point to make it that large amounts of the key hormone Oxytocin are released during an orgasm. Oxytocin is known as the cuddle or love hormone, oh and more Oxytocin is released during an orgasm than what is released during cuddling! Oxytocin also inhibits the release of our stress hormone, Cortisol, so it allows you to feel more relaxed and safe.
Having regular Orgasm, whether through sex or masturbation, recalibrates you. It brings you back to yourself. The French term “la petite mort” or “the little death” alludes to the idea of death and rebirth through an orgasm. We all need a place to come undone. When you have this, you return to your daily life feeling safe and secure.